We have heard sayings in regards to, “Behind a great man, there’s a great woman” or “The man is the head but the woman is the neck.” What people don’t realize is that while men are physically stronger, women are emotionally stronger. This is an example of when we find our mate, the weaknesses are complemented. God made men and women very different and it wasn’t to confuse us but to allow us to live in harmony. The devil has used these various differences to make us think that if we’re not compatible, the relationship crumbles.
When two people are truly in love, they will do anything for each other and give what they desire. God is the same with us; He loves us so much that all He wants is the best for us.
Psalm 37:4 (AMP)
Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.
What can we learn from reading stories of couples in the Bible and what does God say about marriage?
We can learn many lessons from this first couple. Adam loved Eve. We can imagine when he first saw her, his eyes glued to her. God made men to be physical beings and He knew it was important to make Eve to his liking. They didn’t have a choice to pick someone, they only had each other. When we read the story of this couple, we don’t read about them complaining to God in regards to their physical appearance. This tells us that they may have been satisfied with one another. God made them and they were pure in every aspect.
Jacob quickly looked at the appearance of Rachel and fell in love. Not with her personality, but with the appearance before him. He loved her so much that he was willing to do anything to have her as his wife.
Genesis 29:20 (AMP)
And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.
This is the first problem we encounter in selecting our mate. We don’t involve the Lord in the process and we tend to allow what we think feels good to be the influence of the decisions we make. When we pray for that mate, make a list of what’s important to you and in all that is written, let the Lord’s Will be done.
If you are married and after so many months or years you realize that it was a mistake, don’t give up now. Ask the Lord to change you how He wants you to be, first. Then ask Him to work out your marriage to His Will.
Ecclesiastes 7:8 (AMP)
Better is the end of a thing than the beginning of it, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.
Your first years of marriage shouldn’t be your best; it should get better as time goes on. How is this accomplished if each year brings new challenges?
1 Corinthians 13:1-5 (AMP)
1IF I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such as is inspired by God’s love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God’s love in me) I am nothing (a useless nobody). 3Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or in order that I may glory, but have not love (God’s love in me), I gain nothing. 4Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. 5It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
Die to self
Dying to self and losing yourself are two different things. Losing yourself may take on a role of not being who you are and changing for all the wrong reasons. God doesn’t want us to lose our identity, He wants us to nail on the Cross all things that are poisonous in our life. That is dying to self; getting rid of all the toxins in us that prevents the Holy Spirit to work through us.
Genesis 2:18 (AMP)
Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.
Genesis 2:24 (AMP)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
The more time spent in marriage, the more we should grow closer to one another. Does this mean to just co-exist within the household? No, we should cling closely, steadfastly, and faithfully to our spouse.
1 Corinthians 8:3 (AMP)
But if one loves God truly [with affectionate reverence, prompt obedience, and grateful recognition of His blessing], he is known by God [recognized as worthy of His intimacy and love, and he is owned by Him].
Intimacy (emotional and physical)
Men are physical beings and sex is an important aspect of their lives. Women are emotional and many of us need to have that emotional bond before engaging in the physical bond. As a couple spends more time in communication and building their relationship, the woman gets her emotional part satisfied and in turn can engage in the physical part. This is all part of God’s master plan. It’s a pyramid of steps that need to be taken to fulfill the marriage struggles.
Of course, it’s not a clean cut drawing. As we add outside influences and responsibilities, then it becomes more challenging. But these are simple steps to allow us to think about our current situation and how can we begin to make changes for a better marriage and family life.
May the Lord guide you as you move towards your endeavors.